ok.. i watched the replay for the Chmaps League Final: Liverpool and Ac Milan.. Well, its very heartbreaking i must say.. firstly, we see Milan up by three goals and then going down to three all and to lose the match on penalties.. This match juz brought back memories that i have kept away for a long time.. It's juz so like my very own experience.. To be leading in the game and then to lose it because of one silly mistake that u commit. That very mistake, causes u to falter in ur cause and goals.. makes u lose all confidence and u juz cant seem to come up and win it.. how sad..

Knowing that u'll regret sth, u tell urself u wun and u strive for the best and not regret it. In the end, u commit the very folly that u set out to not commit.. isnt this ironic? sometimes u wonder if there is a higher power out there that is controlling u in ways that u neva knew.. i guess we'll neva know right? one thing for sure.. i do regret bout my own match.. not many pple would understand wat im saying.. i know yao would, he's been there and done that like i did.... Well, rmb pple.. do not live a life full of regrets.. ok? coz its not worth it.. Not at all..

Next.. i wanna clarify matters with my fellow classmate.. well... firstly, a person is neva under the influence of another.. its a matter of choice and u allowed urself to be under the shadow of another person.. Sexist as ms alice teo is, she is nice at times too.. so stop making it sound as if she is a total wreck.. As for the cloths, shannie did ask whether they needed help and they say its ok.. if u want help, THEN BLOODY SAY IT. dun give stupid answers that arent here nor there.. We make announcements sitting down? Well, the only time when shannie was sitting down was on tues class civics. He was discussing issues.. which u pple dint actively take part in either.. well.. im sorry if u find me egoistical.. coz its juz me.. and i dun tink im ego as in really ego? u made it seem as if u knew me really well to spot my flaws juz like that.. Wat makes u tink wat u see on a few occasions is what the person is like? There is always a reason behind every action of any rational human being.. U wanna know y im so "attention seeking"? so crazy? making so much noise? TRYing to seem HAPPY? well.. its coz im not happy, and STAGE is only thing that drives me forward? Y am i making noise and being crazy? coz thats the only way to let me not dwell on stuff that haunt me every night while i am at home.. so i am WRONG in trying to appear in ur photos.. so i shant.. i admit that is WRONG on my part if u are really offended by it.. as for gossips... i dunno wat u're referrin to.. if u're toking bout jun kai's.. every1 knows even b4 we say.. as for whether is it the one concerning u.. EXCUSE ME! i tink u oughtta make things clear.. who is it exactly doing it.. im sorry to inform u.. i'll only REFLECT on stuff that i think i am wrong in.. like for example, spoiling the photos by appearing in it? i dun exactly care if im likable or not with u or the class (coz majority of the class is girls) but sadly, i live for myself.. when im standing upright, my shadow will neva be crooked.. y should i stay outta urs? like i said.. i dun live for u? u should stay away from me if u dun like me..

and if u WANNA vote us out as class leaders.. go ahead.. i dun care.. i find it a chore.. but i've got no choice.. i was voted in by ppl.. i dint nominate myself.. i cant be bothered to.. the class did.. u think its fun? when we dun have cooperation from u pple? when we have discussions.. what the hell are u pple doing? looking dead.. staying here and there.. toking amongst urselves.. the only pple who are really contributing r juz that same few pple.. not U included.. y bother smiling at ppl when u dun mean that smile.. u tink u're the only one that have problmes? well u're wrong! u only have a problem with me and shan.. thats all.. i've got a home that is on the rocks.. i am so damn stressed.. by wat my LIFE! i rather end it then to continue with it la.. the only reason i wun kill myself is becoz of the minority of ppl in my life that i find it wotrthwhile to live for.. i wouldnt call u a bitch.. coz i will not put myself in the wrong by callling u names. what i have written my defence to ur accusations.. if u arent happy with me.. we'll sit down and thrash it out.. dun leave it behind ur blog.. im sorry if im causing u any misery or have caused u any in the past term.. but i think u've gotta change ur attitude and look at things in a more open perspective.. :)

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

hi! long time no see.. today is the 21.. my last post was when? 7 may is it? haha! thats like 2 weeks w/o any hint of woice from me.. woah! thats a feat eh? well.. i could explain for my absence here.. so much happened.. the extreme UPs and DOWNs, LEFTs and RIGHTs, HEREs and THEREs.

first the common tests passed.. then the days to production passed.. then production came.. then all the tech runs, then the one last full dress rehearsal, then friday night performance to my SANBA, then sat afternn matinee, then sat night finale to the most impt pple hu'll affect StAJe Works future, then the late night supper, the walking in the rain, the walk home alone, then the post production blues, the tests that i failed, the sense of being lost, the idiot in me, the big mouth of mine, the coming of the hols, the disappointment, the joy that StAJe is so bonded, the pool game yesterday, the long weekend ahead that only serves to make me vexed.. the heart shattering stuff that occurred to me.. wth... i shall be happy.. y let ppl ard me feel sad?

ok.. the post production blues really is getting to me.. i'm getting very emotional.. juz this morning i cried while watching a cartoon.. A CARTOON! and its juz a moment of the cartoon that juz made me cry.. wth.. maybe its coz of the finale night warm up.. i cried.. i really did.. and i swear i have neva cried lidat ever in my life.. i dint when we parted during the first three mths, i dint when i screwed my o's, i dint when we lost the semis in 2004 to Damai... I have truely experienced what helmi said. Life Itself Is A Stage. How true.. there are so many things that u have to experience in order to know.. Ms Wong said The Magic Of Theatre would bring us to the next level. I dint believe it till Sat night, 14 may.. that was indeed the magic.. Helmi said we were better with each performance. From the opening when we owned the stage, to the matinee when we showed proper intensity at all parts when necessary to the last.. when we FLEW. We spread our wings and truely soared that night.. each and every single one of us.. i swear.. from the ops ppl to the crew, the cast to the set, the makeup to the front of house.. it juz fitted together.. seamlessly...

Then the next thing that happened. Ms Wong's leaving us for good.. she's movng on.. for the better i can tell.. she is sad that she has to leave.. but one thing for sure is that she'll be happier there. better working hours and less stress.. more rest.. haha! im sure it'll be a blast for her.. working with overly enthusiastic 10 and 11year olds.. she'll love those kids!

Much as i am sad that ms wong's leaving and that the performance is all over.. but i'm glad that she has found a place for herself and to move on. Also, for me.. the end of the performance is the beginning of a new chapter for me.. a new era for stage.. for us to bring it to greater heights.. one that ones b4 us have neva done.. and others after us will strive and look up to.. With the new exco up and themany other departments too.. im sure we'll become a niche in AJC very soon.. we have so many ppl with talants.. all of us have leadership qualities that we dun show.. great acting skills that we havent harvested and of course the greatest gift of all.. the ability to love.. to love the stage and theatre, to love the people in it.. to love the process despite the fact that we know we'll all have to part..

as for myself.. im struggling in the water.. unable to breathe.. i dunno y.. maybe its coz i juz cant seem to come to a conclusion as to what i have to do andwhat i want to do.. is it really so hard? i dunno.. coz its my life.. i'm the one that have to go thru all that i am going thru.. 80-90% of our lief is hardship and misery.. this is what makes us treasure the 10-20% of joy and happiness that we'll get.. they too will slip by really quickly.. thats y we gotta learn how to treasure them.. when we still can.. and not regret it when we've lost it for good..

i love u pple!
Marian! Darr! Eil! Idiot! Stage Pple! Shannie! Vanvan! Normie! Rong! Pius! Jacs! Siew! haha! i bet u missed me as much as i missed u.. right? and of course i love the ones in my heart! my dear sis.. w/o her.. i'll not be what i am. once again sorry for not updating..

love from
ur fren
the big and
frenly ogre
hu calls himself
rubbish bin

Xavier/shavia/tongsanba

haloooo NURSE!

wuahahahhahah! im feeling a bit happy again.. coz i'm feeling happy? haha! anw, its like the beginning of HELL week nxt week.. not that im complaining! heehee.. u see... mon is COMMON TESTS! gotta mug.. i dun wanna die! especially maths! econs still can hun shui muo yu.. Then tues is a normal day!

MUZ REMIND MYSELF MON IS A BE NICE TO PPLE IMPT TO ME DAY! thus, i'll be nice to darr, shan, eil, van, kentang and dunno hu else la... coz they oso feel very stressed by tests right? Hmmmm... maybe i'll give the guys a hug and the girls sweets.. coz i cant touch them... DUH...

then nxt weds is the beginning of the end! go to sch by 7.30pm... only to leave school to go outside of sch to do stuff.. coz of preparation for play.. then will end like at 11++pm... nxt day leva school at 10.45 only to leave old parliament hse at like 11++pm again... then fri is PRODUCTION DAY! gotta act and 3805 is coming!!! after the play we go outfor dinner? okok? YEA! then will be like super late! (hopefully JK has the suite for us.. then can dun go home and have a good rest) sat got to perform twice. sigh...

thats life nxt week.. wth... but i look forward to it.. Georgia says im improving! YEA!! gotta be sadistic.. show sadisism and relish the fact that i can do that.. and feel the thrill!

last but not least! i muz say i miss 3805!!! i miss so many pple! siew, rong, pius! then even those i c everyday.. i miss u alr.. coz its the weekends... I MISS DARR, EIL, KENTANG, SHAN AND VANVAN!!!

love from
ur fren the
big and frenly
ogre hu calls
himself rubbish
bin

Xavier/shavia/tongsanba

haloooooo! hi! my name is joe! and i work in a butter factory..

heard of that? i suppose u have.. if not u muz have had a sad life... haha! okok back to square one.. i am so phucked up at the moment... so much work to finish.. not that i am complaining.. i pushed it off thru out the weekend lor.. so.. nvm.. nth to say...

common tests draws close.. impending doom to oblivion! shucks! nvm.. production in less than 2weeks alr.. AHHHHH!!!! i am so damn scared! its like only 11 days left.. not that i have much line]s... but i gotta like be the bastard i neva was.. be the berdangdang i neva knew ws in me.. i've gotta be a screwed up, !@^&*() up person! u tink i can do it?

last but not the least I LOVE 3805! i love... heehee! nth i love shan, darr, ewww! i doubt idiot reads my blog... so i shall not say i love her.. wuahahhahahaha!

love from ur fren
the big and
frenly ogre
hu calls himself
rubbish bin

Xavier/shavia/tongsanba