hi! long time no see.. today is the 21.. my last post was when? 7 may is it? haha! thats like 2 weeks w/o any hint of woice from me.. woah! thats a feat eh? well.. i could explain for my absence here.. so much happened.. the extreme UPs and DOWNs, LEFTs and RIGHTs, HEREs and THEREs.

first the common tests passed.. then the days to production passed.. then production came.. then all the tech runs, then the one last full dress rehearsal, then friday night performance to my SANBA, then sat afternn matinee, then sat night finale to the most impt pple hu'll affect StAJe Works future, then the late night supper, the walking in the rain, the walk home alone, then the post production blues, the tests that i failed, the sense of being lost, the idiot in me, the big mouth of mine, the coming of the hols, the disappointment, the joy that StAJe is so bonded, the pool game yesterday, the long weekend ahead that only serves to make me vexed.. the heart shattering stuff that occurred to me.. wth... i shall be happy.. y let ppl ard me feel sad?

ok.. the post production blues really is getting to me.. i'm getting very emotional.. juz this morning i cried while watching a cartoon.. A CARTOON! and its juz a moment of the cartoon that juz made me cry.. wth.. maybe its coz of the finale night warm up.. i cried.. i really did.. and i swear i have neva cried lidat ever in my life.. i dint when we parted during the first three mths, i dint when i screwed my o's, i dint when we lost the semis in 2004 to Damai... I have truely experienced what helmi said. Life Itself Is A Stage. How true.. there are so many things that u have to experience in order to know.. Ms Wong said The Magic Of Theatre would bring us to the next level. I dint believe it till Sat night, 14 may.. that was indeed the magic.. Helmi said we were better with each performance. From the opening when we owned the stage, to the matinee when we showed proper intensity at all parts when necessary to the last.. when we FLEW. We spread our wings and truely soared that night.. each and every single one of us.. i swear.. from the ops ppl to the crew, the cast to the set, the makeup to the front of house.. it juz fitted together.. seamlessly...

Then the next thing that happened. Ms Wong's leaving us for good.. she's movng on.. for the better i can tell.. she is sad that she has to leave.. but one thing for sure is that she'll be happier there. better working hours and less stress.. more rest.. haha! im sure it'll be a blast for her.. working with overly enthusiastic 10 and 11year olds.. she'll love those kids!

Much as i am sad that ms wong's leaving and that the performance is all over.. but i'm glad that she has found a place for herself and to move on. Also, for me.. the end of the performance is the beginning of a new chapter for me.. a new era for stage.. for us to bring it to greater heights.. one that ones b4 us have neva done.. and others after us will strive and look up to.. With the new exco up and themany other departments too.. im sure we'll become a niche in AJC very soon.. we have so many ppl with talants.. all of us have leadership qualities that we dun show.. great acting skills that we havent harvested and of course the greatest gift of all.. the ability to love.. to love the stage and theatre, to love the people in it.. to love the process despite the fact that we know we'll all have to part..

as for myself.. im struggling in the water.. unable to breathe.. i dunno y.. maybe its coz i juz cant seem to come to a conclusion as to what i have to do andwhat i want to do.. is it really so hard? i dunno.. coz its my life.. i'm the one that have to go thru all that i am going thru.. 80-90% of our lief is hardship and misery.. this is what makes us treasure the 10-20% of joy and happiness that we'll get.. they too will slip by really quickly.. thats y we gotta learn how to treasure them.. when we still can.. and not regret it when we've lost it for good..

i love u pple!
Marian! Darr! Eil! Idiot! Stage Pple! Shannie! Vanvan! Normie! Rong! Pius! Jacs! Siew! haha! i bet u missed me as much as i missed u.. right? and of course i love the ones in my heart! my dear sis.. w/o her.. i'll not be what i am. once again sorry for not updating..

love from
ur fren
the big and
frenly ogre
hu calls himself
rubbish bin

Xavier/shavia/tongsanba