thats one line i love.. cant rmb where i got it from.. i think it came from Magic The Gathering.. haha.. anw.. CT is over.. things shall return to its norm alr.. so much STUFF TO DO! from stage to work to SL project.. its like so (shakes his wrists).. DAMN! i wanna "hide my head" and "drown my sorrows".. thios time round.. my sorrows come from the stuff mentioned above.. and maybe.. nah.. i doubt it.. WUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


Xavier is BACK! i mean the Xavier that i was and still am.. the one that has boundless energy.. and is very passionate bout stuff he cares for.. pple and work alike.. WUAHAHAHA! and i officially look wierd... so says so many pple! they say i'm too fat alr.. im like 100kg and i'm like shrinking.. getting shorter.. damn.. and plus that fact.. it doesnt help.. but fish said i looked doubly fierce.. may i ask.. when does XAvier Tong look fierce? im like so NICE and friendly and approachable and lovable and sweet? WUAHAHAHAHAHA! (pple.. u're not allowed to question this on my tagboard)

anw.. juz wanted to say i felt good playing bolah with my jnr.. haha.. his legs are giving way alr.. cuz he has been playing too much bolah! haha! and i felt so good exercising again! muz play more bolah.. prepare for interhouse games.. tho i tink its a gone case la.. go there kena pon.. sigh.. MUST WORK HARDER! I MUZ GET A C FOR MATH THE NXT CT! I SWEAR IN MY CORNIE's NAME!

im so muggin from 11pm of today onwards.. not that i havent been doing that.. juz that i am going to mug a lot from that point on.. and i wanna finish my econs by tmr morning.. then tmr i can do my math while giving my kid tuition and start on GP.. then redo lit again.. the lear part on sun.. then konk out early.. then scrap a pass in lit.. then GP hopefully can get a B4 now.. then econs can get a C.. and then math.. a pass is all i ask for.. that is what i can muster in times like that.. omg.. help me..

anway.. my sister andi toked for a long long long time this morning like till 2am.. toked to her bout so much stuff that i haventdone so in a long long time.. she asked me not to give up.. cuz she said im not doing myself justice and other reasons.. so i have toEat my Words.. IM stayin on as a class leader.. for good or for bad.. We'll see...


"i ask the Heavens to rain upon this dry earth the essence of life.. in this plane of despair, let goodness flow anew.. let Your fury lay waste to those guilty of this hideous crime.. What crimes they ask.. the befoulment of this tranquil state that brings ease , happiness and hope to others.. with this defiled, what hope is their left.. strike! let the lights above cleanse your villianous souls.. burn the roots of Cain within and leave u whole.. a New Man.."

STAND BY ME!

what a phrase.. short sweet simple but yet it encompasses the entirety of so many things.. at least to me it does.. i want the world to stand by me.. not the world as in THE world but the pple ard my.. pple in MY world.. howeveer.. this aint what im gettin.. pple arent doing that.. not even that lil' bit.. they cant even fulfill sth that they promised.. omg.. they PROMISED! "so what?" is what they're gonna say.. they can shrug it off just like that.. without giving a second though.. to think you're suppose to be the fairer sex.. the one that is tactful and caring and thoughtful.. at this rate i DARE SAY IM BETTER IN ANY OF THE ASPECTS I MENTIONED.. RAHHH!!!! so i gathered u wun stand by me.. andso why should i stand by YOU? when i have done so and not get any resounding reassurances that i'm doing it right?

anw.. its FINAL.. after the common tests.. i will go up to MR Cheng and ask him for permission to step down as a Class LEader.. i think i am incompetant and i am unable to fill this post.. i will give him a list of pple whom i think will be able to do better than me.. hopefully.. things will change for the better.. at the very most.. i will hang on till after Service Learning Project.. which is highly impossible.. Cuz i dun have the heart to go on.. my HEart is dead.. besides.. even if i have the Will.. i dun have the POWER to do it.. cuz u've not given me the chance to do so.. i suppose this IS for the better.. aint it?

common tests coming.. im mugging like siao.. but it seems to be not registering.. im so mugging again tonight.. and hopefully i wun fall sick again.. i juz recovered la. pls pls pls.. no more illness.. that headache was terrible enuff alr.. i dun want it ever again.. I PRAY HARD!!!!!!!

i wanted to blog yesterday.. but i so konked out yesterday... omg.. it was like12plus am in the morning.. started getting a dripping nose.. then by 2am it was a splitting headache.. wanted to bang my head against the wall.. but it was so painful that i cou;dnt move.. so i laid there in pain and tried to slp.. hoping some miracle would happen and ease the pain.. relieving my ofmy misery.. however.. this was not to be.. i was in pain till like 7 plus.. when i found the resolve to pop two panadols.. it dint work.. at 10plus i woke up.. thinking i felt better.. so i took a cup of cereal drink and popped panadol again.. however.. i felt like damn cold and i hid in my room.. covered in my blanket.. however.. i still felt so cold.. so i went for a bath.. after the bath.. i felt better.. thats when the last straw came.. i puked.. GOD! the convulsions created by my stomach were horrible.. and my throat hurts from that puking la..

so i gave shannie a call.. and i met him to accompany me to go see the doc, cauze we were suppose to mug at kai's hse.. got the medicine.. he said i got flu.. and then i bough apples.. sudden craving for it.. and then went to kai's place and i was really dead.. i was aslp most of the time.. oops.. too tired i suppose.. the stupid throbbin headache refuse to subside.. GOD! i swear.. i dun eva want to get it again.. hopefully im gonna get well soon.. and kai! stop bugging me to cut my hair! it aint that long.. right? i think im like so ugly..

my yearning grows like a wildfire.. with each passing moment.. it grows from strength to strength.. nothing cant suppress the hunger for love within.. YOU are the only one that have the power to do stop it.. but are u willing?

Your #1 Love Type: INFP

The Idealist In love, you crave a long term, harmonious relationship.For you, sex doesn't come quickly - it takes time for you to open up. Overall, you are supportive, nurturing, and expressive.However, you tend to be shy and protective of your personal space. Best matches: ENFJ and ESFJ

Your #2 Love Type: INFJ

The Protector In love, you strive to have the perfect relationship.For you, sex is nearly a spiritual experience, a bonding of souls. Overall, you have high expectations for any relationship you're in.However, you tend to hold back a part of yourself. Best matches: ENTP and ENFP

Your #3 Love Type: INTP

The Thinker In love, you are honest and serious about commitment.For you, sex is something you think about and desire a lot of the time. Overall, you are pure in your affection and feelings.However, you tend to be suspicious and distrusting at times. Best matches: ENTJ and ESTJ

Your #4 Love Type: ISFP

The Artist In love, you feel deeply and experience intense emotions.For you, sex is serious. It's how you best express your feelings. Overall, you are laid back, warm, and a good listener.However, you tend to seem lazy and disinterested sometimes. Best matches: ESFJ and ENFJ

Your #5 Love Type: INTJ

The Scientist In love, you tend to be very private and withdrawn - even when things are going well.For you, sex is important in a happy relationship. Less important when things aren't going well. Overall, you are confident, intelligent, and serious about commitment.However, you tend to hold back and not show your emotions. Best matches: ENFP and ENTP

so pissified again... i missed out on everything.. im so vexed bout not knowing stuff but how pple work and bout how their minds think.. oh man.. mixed signals.. wats wif me? am i fickle? i dun tink so.. damnit! grrr! i hate myself.. but yet.. i love myself.. WTH! i ought tobe shot! BANG! BANG! BANG! sometimes some things shouldnt be said cuz u dunno wat will happen if u do.. AHHHHH!

and its like so grrr.. im liek falling sick.. nose dripping like siao la.. feeling as if i'll konk out anytime..WHERE ARE YOU?!?!? i need you! i YEARN for you.. I WAAT u.. but can i get u? i dunno..

Your dating personality profile: Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love. Shy - You are often timid around others, though you will open up when the right person comes along. Sensual - You are not particularly shy when it comes to your sexuality. You know what you like and do not feel inhibited.

Your date match profile: Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living. Funny - You consider a good sense of humor a major necessity in a date. If her jokes make you laugh, she has won your heart. Conservative - Forget liberals, you need a conservative match. Political discussions interest you, and a conservative will offer the viewpoint you need.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Big-Hearted 2. Shy 3. Sensual 4. Liberal 5. Wealthy/Ambitious 6. Romantic 7. Athletic 8. Stylish 9. Traditional 10. Practical

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Practical 2. Funny 3. Conservative 4. Shy 5. Big-Hearted 6. Romantic 7. Wealthy/Ambitious 8. Adventurous 9. Traditional 10. Sensual

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

this week is so cool.. and i cant believe wat im capable of doing.. i slept like at 4am, woke up at 7.. started to cycle at 7.30 and reached school at 8.20++ NOTE: I CYCLED TO ANDERSON JUNIOR COLLEGE! omg.. i still cant believe i managed to do that.. butt hurts like a bDD now la.. its so damn bDDish.. GRRR.. nvm.. things are getting better.. or so i percieve it.. when u're full of frustrations and feel very pissified.. mug! it helps soothe u down.. SERIOUS!

anw.. i mugged lear this morning from 12 to 2.. did my compo from 2-3.30 and then did my lit essay till 4.. notice.. i am toking in terms of am.. not pm.. finished my essay in school.. sang so much too.. even translated a song for kai.. haha! SHANNIE and I did it together! haha! wonderful work.. so sad.. too bad i wun be there to sing it at all.. its for U! anw.. i made MORE earrings! and i finished the snrs prezzies! all of it! guys and girls alike! WUAHAHAHAH! u'll love me for it.. i swear..

anw.. i dun tink i sing that badly right? (looks for assurance) hee.. hopefully not.. *prays* i hope snrs cry tmr at the chalet.. after hearing the song! hee.. its melacholic.. hmmm...

back to myself.. felt so gd.. stayed in sch till 2... went amk eat lunch at macs, went to amk blk 700A multistorey carpark to sing somemore.. looked like fags... but hu cares.. im having my share of fun that i dint have for a long long time.. this week has beens o pissifying.. FRRRR... RAH!!! i shall mug more.. muggin makes me feel happier! my new hobby shall be to mug.. and a mugger i shall be!

but im still pissed.. tho not so pissed but still pissed.. remnants of like so much stuff put together gives u a montrous problem sia.. no wonder frankenstein was such a beast.. hmmm... i still HATE u.. i mean it! im so sad too.. so many ppleleaving me.. am i like a jinx or sth? not only am i like fat, fugly, irritating, unloved, unliked, unwanted.. i still jinx pple.. (shakes wrists)

i've been so burned out and depressed.. coz i found everything ard me so pissifying.. all started with HER.. (i still hate her) then it spoilt everything.. damn.. i went for some mediacorp auditions for some dunno what show.. then it was like.. OMG! had to be some bullied boy who is coerced by his sis all the time.. sigh..

"cuz DJ's ma homey and we're goin to the bling bling action at thur candy store wid ma biiiches, aiiiit!"

that was one line from the script.. it was so wierd.. i felt like a total idiot.. and check it out man! i feel such a great sense of accomplishment la! i MADE EARRINGS! for moi snrs! the girls only.. haha! aint i like the BEST!?!?! heehee.. i hope they so dun read this.. coz the cat would be outta the bag if they do.. i doubt they even noe my blog exists! haha!

i think i've been badly burnt.. wat a term.. BURNT.. and i dunno y? maybe its juz everything.. i wanna drown my sorrows by juz venting my frustrations on sports.. but i dun seem to have the time.. gotta mug.. hua bei fen wei li liang.. wat am i to do? to make myself have less hate towards everything? to not stone so much.. im slumping into what i had again.. few mths back.. my energy cant seem to last forever eh.. IM WEAK!! IM FAT! IM SLOW! IM FUGLY! IM A BDD! I OUGHT TO BE SHOT! BANG! BANG! BANG!

nobody loves me.. i cant help but think so.. seriously.. i dunthink anyone does.. im so fat and ugly, slow and clumsy, i cant even convey a proper msg across across to anyone.. i am feelin so screwed up.. my mum dun love me, the world hates me, no one listens to me, no one is willin towork wif me.. i doubt anyone will ever give me a chance.. and all i am asking.. is give me a chance.. its like so (Xavier shakes his wrists)

wats so damn wrong with me.. everything is so depressing.. my blog has turned into a really sad place.. y? i dunno... how i wish i knew the ans.. i hate the world! i hate it when i dun feel warmth and love from anyone.. when pple dun give a shit whether u're there or not.. dun u agree.. im so phucked now... i wanna go out and scream! i wanna holler till i lose my voice, run till my legs give way, punch till my knuckles bleed and do situps till i lie on the ground, wasted. what is the source of my misery? somebody tell me.. am i not nice enough? am i not thoughtful and tactful? ami not sensitivie to pple's feelings? do i not give pple a sense of love? i dun understand.. do u have to be loved to love? or do i have to love in order to be loved?

"someday we shall return
to this place up on the meadow
we'll walk out in the rain
hear the birds above
singing once again
oh see
there beyond the hills
the bright colors of the rainbow]
some magic from above made this day for us
just to fall in love"

my gosh.. how i wish i could be there with the one person i could bare my soul to.. and even sell my soul to the devil for.. on that beautiful meadow with the birds and rainbow above me.. why did Bach paint such a beautiful picture with this song.. its called Lovers' Concerto.. how in the world can i get to this haven? if i dun even have love, much less a lover..

the horrigible feeling is creepin upon me again.. the one feeling that drains me of everything.. i feel lifeless and listless.. as if life was suddenly stripped of its meaning.. wat if something was within reach and then it was taken away from u all of a sudden.. coz somebody aint feeling happy.. and decided that u cant have it so it was removed.. even tho u were given it alr.. its like so (Xavier shakes his wrist) sometimes i wish i wasnt born.. but then again.. i wouldnt have met wonderful pple like u all out there.. i guess this aint such a huge issue aferall.. RIGHT? its not like i'll be missed.. im like so insignificant.. God has given me HER as my life-long test an hence.. its gonna take my life-time to pass this test.. do i have wat it takes to? i dunno.. im so DUMB! its so damn (Xavier shakes his wrist)

im so sorry pple.. i tried my best to.. God aint on my side.. i ought to help myself tho.. GRRRR.. I HATE YOU!!! this is so coming from the bottom of my heart.. i swear it.. i HATE YOU!!!!

have u ever wished u had the ability to read pple's minds? so u'll noe exactly wat they want from u.. what they dun like about you.. whether they had special feelings for u.. whether they posed any danger to u or not.. i really wish i had it.. much as i wish to.. i cant have it..

but what if i u and i had it? wouldn't our sorrows and problems juz disappear? even towards pple ard us.. it would too.. seriously.. we noe how to treat diff pple coz we noe what they expect us to treat them.. how i wish i had that ability.. pple will not have any qualms about us at all.. we'll live harmoniously.. but this aint how the world works.. sigh.. even if some1 had problems with us.. we'll be able to noe.. and change and let them noe that we're capapble of good too.. we have strengths.. not juz flaws.. but some pple juz dun ever give others a chance once they have decided that you're BAD.. i mean it.. this IS human nature.. pple decide how they wish to treat u by listening to what others have to say about u.. Humans are BLIND even tho we have eyes. We are DEAF tho we have ears.. we dun use our five senses even tho we possess them.. what idiots we are.. we fail to c hu is nice and hus not.. and sometimes we live in our own little world and we're not aware of nice stuff pple do for us.. this very pple might juz experience despair and neva ever do anything nice for u again.. let this be a warning to u.. do not neglect pple hu care bout u..coz when u do.. u lose them.. more often than not.. permanently....

well.. i sound veh negative today.. maybe thats coz im veh disappointed with myself and some pple.. the most disheartening thing that can happen has happened.. well.. maybe its juz my fault that i dint put ENUFF EFFORT in pushing the idea for ppl to come down.. maybe its my fault that im not doing everything in MY POWER to convince pple.. maybe its my fault that u pple dun feel as if U BELONG to the veh same thing that i belong to.. dun u all think so? that nth is ur fault?

maybe its my fault that u dun feel anything for this entity we're in.. its my fault u dun like being in this entity.. maybe its my fault that u dun even care enuff to support some1 hu might be ur close fren.. maybe its my fault that u all dun participate in discussions at all? those faces of disinterest.. the look on ur faces that tell me u wish i'm gone.. how i wish i could.. i would man.. how i yearn to say it in ur face "i HATE u!" much as i love to.. i cant coz im duty bound to u.. i ask myself if its worth it.. i dunno.. i claim that that ADVERSITY brings out the best and worst in humans.. wat does it bring outta me? what traits am i displaying now? u noe whats disappointment like.. especially when its thrust into ur wounds repeatedly.. over and over again.. every few days.. some of ur behavior is so immature that i dare say u arent even worthy of being called a 17-year old.. spoilt and demanding is what u are.. u think the world revolves around u? look at the way u behave.. u have the audicity to talk so much when u're the one hu is LATE. being fickle minded is one of the traits u display too.. if u want to know.. i dare say u dun have any real frens.. some of them are juz too nice to say it in ur face that u are horrid.

sometimes i wonder why am i so impossibly tolerant.. sometimes i wish i could act irrationally like Kai, like marian.. but i cant.. i'm Xavier.. the dumb guy that juz has to swollow everything.. pple may say i've got no balls to do stuff.. but i tell ya.. if Xavier Tong outbursts.. it aint me.. decorum, discipline, mannerisms, rules bind us. for good or for bad? i dunno..

i wonder wats wrong with me? am i a terrible person to be with? y cant i seem to have anyone to tok to? its not that those of u hu care aint good.. i dunno.. i juz havent found some1 i can bare my heart out to.. with no reservations. or maybe.. the person havent found me.. i really dunno at all.. i think i ought to be shot.. i ought to go jump and end this.. coz i cant stand it.. but thats selfish.. there are pple hu cares.. arent there? its worth it to live for them right? isnt it?

"hide my head i wanna drown my sorrows.. no tomorrow.. no tomorrow..
and i find it kinda funny.. i find it kinda sad..
the dreams in which im dying are the best i've ever had.."

Your #1 Match: INFJ

The Protector You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them. You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

Your #2 Match: INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

Your #3 Match: ENFJ

The Giver You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine. You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

Your #4 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller! You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

Your #5 Match: INTJ

The Scientist You have a head for ideas - and you are good at improving systems.Logical and strategic, you prefer for everything in your life to be organized.You tend to be a bit skeptical. You're both critical of yourself and of others.Independent and stubborn, you tend to only befriend those who are a lot like you. You would make an excellent scientist, engineer, or programmer.

i neva knew personality tests are so cool.. im here and there la.. haha! but i doubt im the last one haha! i love delta experience! so cool! so slack! knew great pple! haha! and also.. i LOVE the t-shirt! wuahahahahahah! im laughing at u alpha Bravo pple! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

hihi pple! i MISSED U ALL big time sia.. dun u all missed me?

tis the season to be jolly.. but isnt it in times like this that we feel nostalgic of times we had b4.. absence makes the heart fonder indeed.. haha! i really realy really really miss 3805.. our big big family.. like my WIFE: Gao Shen, my daughter: Rong, my angel: Siew, my mortal: daphne, the dog: darr, and of course EWWWWWW!!! hahaah! not to mention the rest like pius, norma and loads of pple! AHHHHH!!! i look forward to seeing u peeps againm.. shucks.. i sound so wimpish.. darn.. i'll continue blogging tmr..

i feel so stohned.. ahhhahahahah! delta is so fun.. and so slack.. and i burpoed so much.. WUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! can u believe that? haha! in the middle of the camp we went to our camp moite's hse! and had pizza there! wuahahahahahah!

night walk later.. gonna be so fun! wuahahahahahahahahah! i feel good! HEEHEE

will be back veh veh veh soon! WUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!