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    / Thank You
    /Contrite.} HaeMin-Love deviantart : InvisibleSnow
    Sunday, June 12, 2005
    Mad World (this is indeed what i live in.. a MAD WORLD..) @ 10:51 AM

    have u ever wished u had the ability to read pple's minds? so u'll noe exactly wat they want from u.. what they dun like about you.. whether they had special feelings for u.. whether they posed any danger to u or not.. i really wish i had it.. much as i wish to.. i cant have it..

    but what if i u and i had it? wouldn't our sorrows and problems juz disappear? even towards pple ard us.. it would too.. seriously.. we noe how to treat diff pple coz we noe what they expect us to treat them.. how i wish i had that ability.. pple will not have any qualms about us at all.. we'll live harmoniously.. but this aint how the world works.. sigh.. even if some1 had problems with us.. we'll be able to noe.. and change and let them noe that we're capapble of good too.. we have strengths.. not juz flaws.. but some pple juz dun ever give others a chance once they have decided that you're BAD.. i mean it.. this IS human nature.. pple decide how they wish to treat u by listening to what others have to say about u.. Humans are BLIND even tho we have eyes. We are DEAF tho we have ears.. we dun use our five senses even tho we possess them.. what idiots we are.. we fail to c hu is nice and hus not.. and sometimes we live in our own little world and we're not aware of nice stuff pple do for us.. this very pple might juz experience despair and neva ever do anything nice for u again.. let this be a warning to u.. do not neglect pple hu care bout u..coz when u do.. u lose them.. more often than not.. permanently....

    well.. i sound veh negative today.. maybe thats coz im veh disappointed with myself and some pple.. the most disheartening thing that can happen has happened.. well.. maybe its juz my fault that i dint put ENUFF EFFORT in pushing the idea for ppl to come down.. maybe its my fault that im not doing everything in MY POWER to convince pple.. maybe its my fault that u pple dun feel as if U BELONG to the veh same thing that i belong to.. dun u all think so? that nth is ur fault?

    maybe its my fault that u dun feel anything for this entity we're in.. its my fault u dun like being in this entity.. maybe its my fault that u dun even care enuff to support some1 hu might be ur close fren.. maybe its my fault that u all dun participate in discussions at all? those faces of disinterest.. the look on ur faces that tell me u wish i'm gone.. how i wish i could.. i would man.. how i yearn to say it in ur face "i HATE u!" much as i love to.. i cant coz im duty bound to u.. i ask myself if its worth it.. i dunno.. i claim that that ADVERSITY brings out the best and worst in humans.. wat does it bring outta me? what traits am i displaying now? u noe whats disappointment like.. especially when its thrust into ur wounds repeatedly.. over and over again.. every few days.. some of ur behavior is so immature that i dare say u arent even worthy of being called a 17-year old.. spoilt and demanding is what u are.. u think the world revolves around u? look at the way u behave.. u have the audicity to talk so much when u're the one hu is LATE. being fickle minded is one of the traits u display too.. if u want to know.. i dare say u dun have any real frens.. some of them are juz too nice to say it in ur face that u are horrid.

    sometimes i wonder why am i so impossibly tolerant.. sometimes i wish i could act irrationally like Kai, like marian.. but i cant.. i'm Xavier.. the dumb guy that juz has to swollow everything.. pple may say i've got no balls to do stuff.. but i tell ya.. if Xavier Tong outbursts.. it aint me.. decorum, discipline, mannerisms, rules bind us. for good or for bad? i dunno..

    i wonder wats wrong with me? am i a terrible person to be with? y cant i seem to have anyone to tok to? its not that those of u hu care aint good.. i dunno.. i juz havent found some1 i can bare my heart out to.. with no reservations. or maybe.. the person havent found me.. i really dunno at all.. i think i ought to be shot.. i ought to go jump and end this.. coz i cant stand it.. but thats selfish.. there are pple hu cares.. arent there? its worth it to live for them right? isnt it?

    "hide my head i wanna drown my sorrows.. no tomorrow.. no tomorrow..
    and i find it kinda funny.. i find it kinda sad..
    the dreams in which im dying are the best i've ever had.."

    all i need is a simple lift