this friggin world is so depressing.. screw it all.. im not in a mood to type so screw it all..


bye world..




i am so bored.. can some1 like call and ask me out...

or can people organise things and ask me along.. like the delta camp outing. og outing. pri sch outing. sec sch outing. the TCHS 5brothered gang outing. Training or sth?


too pissed this yr to organise stuff again all thanks to service learning project and -hemhem-

i've decided to post lest this becomes shan's blog like for good.. haha! but thanks anw shannie baby..


there's been so much to bitch about but i am not going to.. cuz thats gonna put me in the wrong and im not gonna do that since you ARE in the wrong and wrong u shall stay. though i have this nagging feeling that u dun exactly know who u are.. YES! i AM referring to YOU..

your sins?
-YOU put blame on others for something u caused.
-YOU withdrew last minute despite informing u 3weeks in advance and u DID NOT object.
-YOU are impossible to work with
-YOU are highly unproductive and uncooperative

notice
1. i did not call names
2. i did not use emotion arousing words
3. i merely listed
4. i wrote objectively

DISCLAIMER: if anyone who reads this and feels as though i have a problem with you.. it probably means that you are guilty of what i wrote, hence proving my stand, point and argument. Should u end up talking to all ur frens bout what a person i am, this just proves again that my point is valid. Should u wanna call up and thrash it out, i think u should. But should u call and make statements like "wat is ur problem? you are a class leader, so u have to behave properly and not write such stuff bout me", i assure u i'll make it known that u called and u just proved me right that u are indeed:


GUILTY AS CHARGED...


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


i've decided to try to embrace a religion.. im not entirely convinced about it but there aer truths in it that make me ponder and value my life more. i attended a service today.. it was enriching and refreshing.. the people that opened to me showed me a new side of this depressing world.. there is love. There is.. even though i am still very fascinated with cults, devils and demons.

i am jubilant enough to say i love my primary school frens.. they rock my sock

there are many things that i have overlooked recently.. part of my old self have disappeared.. i am pround to say: i have a temper that i will throw when there's a need to, feel free to try me.

after two days of sickness, i appreciate the fact that im healthy again.. though i lost weight! :) heehee.. couple more kilos to go... haha..

i need to:
-think of presents
-work harder
-become physically fitter
-search for my purpose
-work for my goals
-be who i am once again


FuCk It AlL
sHa

hahas. i'm at nihaad's place now. with yi hsuan, xiu fang and (duh) nihaad. and i just decided to drop by here to crap.
yi hsuan: -gaining weight from eating a lot of good food-
Xiu Fang: ^_^
nihaad: -silently drinking her pepsi-
and me? here to just talk and talk and talk. i miss xavier!!!! (:
hahas. xiu fang: "eew."
nihaad: "sigh"
okay. i'm just really bored. IVLE package not up yet. cannot do GP. clement is just... whatever. says everything is up but it's not. so there.
nihaad's place is damn nice. seriously. hahas. i love the food too. yi hsuan loves it more. she can't stop. (:
whee~ okay i'm off. enough for today. hahas.

hello. i'm just dropping by as xavier is having his bball practice so i decided to drop by and doodle doodle.
hahas. actually i got nothing much to say. just that i really miss him (*gasp*).
LOL. yeah.
tadah. xavier. you see that? i miss you. hahas. :D

wats my purpose in life- thats a question i ask myself everyday. have i lived my day in a way that i want? it seems as tho i haven't all the time.. i really hope for things to happen, but it always goes the other way. i tell people to seek for a purpose in their life or goals to work towards.. but then again.. i am questioning the very way i live my life.. i seem to have lost all purpose and drive.. was this self induced? was this brought about by other factors? im unsure.. i believe it has to do with people around me.. they are all plagued by their problems.. some are working their asses off for pocket money, some are busy mugging their ass for to progress from sec 3 to sec 4 in the IP programme while some are busy entertaining their other halves..

little by little
drop by drop
bit by bit

they seem to distant from me.. during hols when i want to go out for a breather and i try to look for some1, they're all gone.. "KAPOOSH!" before i know it.. i rot at home.. not knowing what to do with my life again..

trivial things like an sms can make me happy the entire day and that has been wats giving me the drive.. but lately.. it has stopped.. its dumb to rely on this to move urself.. but then again.. dun pple rely on it too? a simple one would be enuff right?

i don't know wats wrong with me.
i don't know how to react.
i don't know how to feel.
how are you feeling?
how are you feeling?
its so chilling for me..


sometimes looking at people ard me.. i really feel very jealous.. especially when pple ard me seem to have everything and yet not appreciate it.. that is the most infuriating thing in the world.. it doesnt help that you know you are a better person that him/her but you are subjugated by your circumstances.. dun u feel very small? don't you?

further more.. living with a walking mine at home doesnt help.. there's no way i can talk with that mine.. i don't talk to my dad bout my problems.. my sis is too tired everyday to actually listen to me.. so yea.. i hate my very existence now.. even writing bout all this is painful..

y cant i bring myself to act like some1 i noe does... to not give a hell bout how pple think and vent everything out.. i cant seem to do that at all.. i want to.. sometimes i wish some tom, dick or harry would piss me off so bad i can let everything out..

if there really is a higher being up there, shouldn't you be enlightening me and pple who are troubled? how to not be sorrowful and sad.. where life itself is a miracle and should be treasured? that there's no point in wallowing at all? God, if u are there, you should be doing sth. but because u aren't, im doubting your very existence and might..

p.s. the ending to stairway to heaven is beautiful. the unloved loved so greatly that he is willing to give his life for a woman he knew would never love him. As the for loved, he was weak and could not do that. He felt inferior when he knew the truth.. how's that for you?



kai and shan told me that the job i wanted to do would most likely be given to someone else.. cuz she has the experience b4.. however, something for u two to think about.. i had left things to be sometime this year and wat happened? i was humiliated.. i felt like a lesser man.. thats why im going to ask for things i want to do.. and fight for it if need be.. wats with this sudden aggression on my part? it has always been here but it was surpressed by myself cuz i used to be surrounded by people who are capable.. Now, it aint the case.. im sure i can outdo most of the people in their jobs.. y lie in the mud now when you know you can do better and you want to do better? i had chosen my path.. to join staje and love the theatre.. but it had lost its appeal to me a few mths back.. things set me back again and again and till now.. i am still set back.. huai cai bu yu- thats wat im feeling.. i wanted to be a councillor and fly.. but what happened, i chose to be under the charge of a charismatic woman and i knewwonderful pple.. she left when i began to truly love stAJe. there is no point in regretting now.. its all too late.. i can only make the best of everything now.. do you understand now? y i am so indent on wanting that job? if fate decrees me to not have it, i will still strive for it.. Edmund - the self made man, the one quality that i truly admire as a Man..

im in such a bad mood... SCREW THIS FRIGGIN WORLD!

-growls-

i hate pple like YOU! y muz YOU do all the stuff YOU did to HIM? if u had never done wat YOU did, HE would never do what HE juz did.. at the end of it all, YOU are the sinner. YOU caused this tragedy to appear.. damn YOU. this is not all YOU did.. YOU messed upp MY life.. YOU shaped me to become what I am.. the useless, wimpish, gay prick.. everything thats wrong with MY life has got to do with YOU.

i HATE you.
even tho i thank YOU for some things that YOU've done.


well.. shannon... thanks for the post.. i was thinking u're gonna do sth dumb like that soon.. but that was helpful.. i read it when i was in a horrid mood.. and IM STRAIGHT.. and shannon.. YOU know it.. so stop telling pple im gay.. -growls-



hot and cold.. thats what im getting.. is this headed where i tink it is?
this question pops into my head repeatedly..
what exactly are you thinking?
God oh God.. help me.. but then again.. is there God?
im confused and i feel helpless..
should i stand up and take the first step..
but sth pricks at my mind..
will u retreat when i advance..
if i take a step forward..
how many steps would you take backward?
i juz hope and cling on to my faith,
this would in all be a happy ending :)

i smile myself to sleep every night because i promised myself i would never enter my dreams a crying person, sad and dejected.

xavier tong xiu zhi!
you are happily leaving your lousy I & R for all to see aye.
just frigging update lah.
tsk.

or else i will wreck hell here on your behalf. wahahas.
like you now. your tagboard.
the *beep* thingies will come out more beautifully here.
hahas. so you better consider your options.

and don't forget
先斩后奏 is the best way!!
wahahas. joking joking.
nvms if any one don't understand.
hahahahahhahas. (:

gosh i'm so superbly random here.
i just going mad around.
wheeeee~
xavier is MY GAY PARTNER!!
AND I NEED TO DECLARE IT HERE. (:
SO EVERYONE PLS STAND BACK.
AND LET ME HANDLE THIS SOCIETAL HARM FOR YOU PEOPLE.
HAHAS.
geez, i'm really high now.

anyways. take care aye.
don't anyhow play with fire.
and burn yourself dead.
that's it. (: