i cracked today just before econs. doubt any1 saw it. the glistening or the shuddering or the hung head or the bent back. well, at least they were having fun. sadly speaking, i wished some1 did see. Then it would be sth that would have been shared. but then again, ppl normally do not see. Ppl take so many things for granted.

-like a tyre of a monster truck, no matter how great or strong a person, he or she would fall. didnt u know that? because its burden is far greater than any other vehicle. it has to beat the the friction and the gravel day in day out.

my head's a whirlpool. funny eh? the lesser the days to prelims, the more my thoughts run. Yes indeed i am bothered by the matter and issue. i just dont know anymore. perhaps i should just tuck u away into that little corner in that canister with only one entrance. perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.. but then again, shouldnt i solve the problem by putting my orifice to good use.

i distinctly recall u committing yourself in some way. u said sth. but like i said -the words made me, the actions broke me i want to run, i need to run. to where the organ that sustains me can ease from it all. but the ache just gets worse. n well, my problem n predicament has worsened. Thank you. i thought u were different, but maybe im simply wrong. u're just like every single one of them around who dont know a thing or who sth but do nth. perhaps my actions too contradicts my intentions. but it definitely hurts.

even though the underlying cause of all this has got nothing to do with u at all. but u do add on to the burden i carry. its merely me refusing to acknowledge the fact that i should move on in life and not get stuck here at this point of life. i so wish to be surrounded by my multitudes of frens who would bring me up. somehow, i just feel that im falling. yea.. dipping and also very helpless with the tightening of the knot within, anticipating the moment u land with a crack on the bottom of the pit.

i want to be saved, not to have more ppl dropping boulders in the pit to help me smack down faster. i've got so much fat hope in me. we dont live in teletubby land.


i wish: that some1 would call and say they love me, that i mean the world to them and be sincere bout it.
-it'll serve as a good ego boost to this horrid thing that thrives on it. this goddamned soul that shouldnt have been born.

thats my state of mind.

i rejected what u offered. but im indulging in it these few days. why? to douse and to lift myself? what're u thinking? i am clueless. i dont want to play this game. i simply want to have things laid and smack.

-words made my day but actions broke me

seriously. just enlighten me. i need to know. im being driven to a corner by so many things. the promise of deliverance could very well also be a gift of malovalence. didnt u know that? there are so many things in life that u dont know. i am more than willing to help and allow u to see them through my eyes and learn under my mentorship. but really, is it all a show? is it all a midsummer night's dream? cuz i am willing to do what i havent done in my life, to grant permission. stop toying me, im breaking.

-slowly but surely, ebbing

"stubbornly, obstinately pining his years away"

that pathetic man. everyone failed to see his sorrow and pain. his attempts to tell them how much help he needed from the ones he deemed important fell on deaf ears. THEY IGNORED HIM. he is just a pathetic old man. thats what he reckons they think. Help came, but not from anyone he hoped it would come from. Sad. thats what it is. Perhaps he's just a worthless rut that people take for granted. Perhaps, everything was simply an illusion he manufactured for himself; all those pretty pictures. Perhaps things would turn out better.

Perhaps he is just a pathetic old man, hoping, waiting and believing for something that never existed. Perhaps, he should just lie down, close his eyes, and draw a final breath.