the storm is over. and all is calm. but is it lasting? will everything be in control for a long long time to come?


*he laid there in the darkness, reading that text msg that he received. He felt better after telling her everything. But as he read the msg, dread overwhelmed him and his heart died. But would anyone know if a clown was sad? They lead their lives as though they are the happiest people on earth but who would make them happy when they are sad? For no one knows, for no one can see, for no one thinks. He is but a clown*

if there is a God.

then bless me for once.

if there aint one,

then pple of the world

pls pray for me this once.


just this once,
pray for me you will?

"you can say anything, just anything, and you can break my ever wall" these words just rang in his head over and over again.

"but did you know your "anything" could easily have healed my every scar?"
he thought to himself.


he always does introspection. No one but himself knows what truly goes on. but even then, he might not know.


simply because his heart has died.

that poor bloke.. seriously. someone should just spare him all these agony.

"i had bought a ticket that'll send me to HCC"

"really?"

"yea.... sorry i couldn't give it to you in person and say what i wanted to say in a more proper setting."

"its alright"

"take care alright?"

"yea, you too"

and the line went out, dead cold. He just stood there for a while, trying to make meaning of what happened. The flurry of events shooting in his head. For a "friend" in need, He just busted something that took so long to happen. For better or worse, He doesn't know. He can merely wait, bid his time and see what comes out of it. How He wish things were easier and clearer but somehow or other, things never were.


**so maybe it was a foolish mistake on his part, to leave and meet a friend. But well...**

now that you do know that you do make a difference. what then? but i'm very sure you dont know that a single word from you can break my every wall and at the same time heal my every wound. Do you? Such is the tragedy or it all. Such is the pain of loving and remaining silent.

As those thoughts materialized in his head, a tear trickled down his cheek. Biting his lips, He endured the heartache and walked into the streets, to meet that friend of his. And as he walked, all these he buried into that little rusted box. Only for himself to know.

i thought i could.


i really really thought i did.


But little did i know, just when i thought all was fine,

you re-appeared.

Just why did that happen? I thought all would be fine. But no, on that bright cheery day when the perpetual gloom was lifted off everyone's shoulder, when everyone was truly bluely happy and having fun in the sun, at the beach. U had to remind me. You had to inject that chasm of hope into my bones.

And now, it just can't be flushed away.
Flushed away like all other things before.

Did you know?

I couldnt bring myself to hate you. And i still cant.
Maybe because you mean so much to me. Maybe because you made me step out and forward like none before had ever done. But whatever you changed in me, in turn marked me for eternity. I am still here, holding on, hanging on, to that fast diminishing chasm of hope.

Perhaps clinging on to it might result in my plunge to the abyss, but i'd rather die clinging on to hope than to forsake it. For hope has driven mankind thus far in history. i'd rather perish holding on.

i am most certain of how i feel this time round.


i love you.