And to you Jake Ling, thank you. I you too.

Convulsions shook him. Wave after wave, endlessly trying to wear him down. When would it ever end? Why does it have to come when the enemy is within and without? Makes one wonder if there was really justice left. Despite his beliefs that everything that happens happens for a purpose and there're always lessons to draw from it, he is starting to lose faith too. Faith, that what all these Happenings need. But how much faith can one have and can one hold? He is but mere mortal flesh.

N not now, not of all times should this happen. How much more can he take? Even the calm of the dead has failed, leaving only a way out...

All you ever need to do is to take him and tell him you want to know and that you care. He does not need any extras.

Labels: when words start to fail n the spirit falters

When having enough means you give up and allow everything to obliterate your existence.

"War aint about who's right, it's bout who's left"

i think you will break me. that's if you know you have that in you.


"thinking is about putting things into perspective. makes you grow up and see things in greater clarity. it is good to in some point of your life be able to think bout the future and reflect upon the past. so please, think your life through properly.

And for all else that you cant fathom and make out, just have faith and i'm sure things will turn out fine and proper. i promise it will"

Labels: in and out

we should hold on dearly to wat we have around us. they dun come by easy. we should never let them slip. we should never do them wrong. cuz these are loyal people who will stay so.

thank you, friends.

but this is a battle i fight myself. if i come out alive, i think i will be a better man than i ever was. i know u will support regardless of the strides and steps. i know i can safely fall into your arms. but right now, it is my personal battle. it is.

and as for my roots, it is sth that never can be washed away. i can only accept. im not ashamed. i just feel the pain. is this what 27 years bought? the doubt of the promise made and the very existence itself.

i'm disappointed and faithless in the institution.

Tho i still believe it must have started right at first, just that something turned sour along the way.

Why?

Labels: where calm is a prelude to disaster

acceptance is the key to everything. cuz w/o, we will always be jammed and entrenched. i'm thankful that u've seem past all of it and decided that moving on is the only solution and that time would wash away all these, eventually.

however, there're some things that despite you knowing the answer, you will never be able to accept and grapple with. but i know i must.

this is when self doubt will cloud your mind and you wonder for what rhyme or reason were you brought to this place. was it a mistake or was it all part of the plans of a higher being?

i don't know, i really don't. all i know is please, break my every wall and mayb i could be free.

Labels: accepting the damnation of your origins

i thought it was. i was so damn wrong.


he screamed to the world at large, to all that stood before him and to those that might just listen. but those screams turned silent. no one heard him. no one could understand what he meant. they saw him, but thats really all there is to it. sad but true.

is there no one that could break his every wall? is there no one that could make him cry? is there no one that could make him feel human again?

why did it have to boil down to this time and again?

Labels: when drinks mean liquor n respite mean cigars

Cleansed. Washed away by the caressing hands of nature. Bathed by the tears of Heaven.

i hope the same for you and you and you.

Labels: cleanly decent, decently clean

it'll be off now. on its own personal journey. away from this freak of nature conceived by man and man alone. hopefully, it'll find peace. hopefully.

it won't forget those that're still here. it'll constantly think and worry, ever ready to commit to those who need. but right now, it needs a lil time to try n rebuild its confidence in this messed up and flippant world.

n to u the cute alien from outer space, time is a great thing.

"Good night Good morning mum, today's ticking"

-x

Labels: Those On My Mind

love is about sacrifice. u give up certain things for people willingly because u accept them for who they are and u dun require them to change. but this selfless act, (assuming the r/s is a mutual loving one) will in turn cause the other party to sacrifice something in return out of love and gratitude.Hence this would result in an endless cycle of love where both parties are blissfully happy, both in giving and receiving. However, the intention and motivation of giving is not to expect a return and the other party should never expect to receive first w/o before giving and vice cersa (assuming that they continue the trend marked out above)

so in essence, the art of giving will result in one receiving. then of cuz people would question who's to give first. i think it doesn't matter. let us put societal expectations and personal pride and ego aside and consider: if we can live with less pride, ego and mental stigma/stereotypes, then things would not be unneccessarily complicated and that makes u and i a happier person.

let us embrace life and world with a less complicated mind and heart. Never mind certain defenses we must have to survive in this dog eat dog world, that aside, we can still give and carry out acts w/o asking for return. but as a rule of thumb for the rest of the world, they should never give criticism if they're never gonna do anything bout any problems. they merely kill off the few healers that have been quietly yet labouriously working, healing where they can.

-X

i cant believe that match ended at 63-15 when the sun shone no more. messed up.

Labels: to Stitch n Shannie

ties will bind u always, so will memories stigmatize u. but ultimately, u cannot run and u cannot hide. a messed up act will serve only to remind others of the many messed up shits u did. so yes. thank you for being so messed up, u are the one woman i so love and hate. i wish i could actualize some of those anger and resentment. other times, i just feel concerned about your well being. but no, u take kindness for weakness and rebuttal as being ungrateful.

what manner of being are you? u who messed my life in it's entirety.

for the lil uns, i'll be here for you=)

Labels: ties that bind your very core

as brows burrowed, tears welled up in the eyes. trying to shield herself from his gaze, she attempted to lower her head. hers tears rolled down uncontrollably.

it is not your fault. it isn't that you're inadequate. i think u're good, more than good actually. n you're really worth more than just this. so give yourself better? i'm a phone or just a couple of bus stops away. it's just an island really. do set yourself free from the grasp anger has over u. it's a lane u dun wanna tread cuz there's only regret n meaningless sorrow. be true to what you embody n what you usually are. i think you'll be a true blue blessing n difference to all around you.

this is just another one of those things that goes on to become part of your heritage. age never buys u maturity, experience does. I firmly believe in that. but it's a story i'll tell ya another time. there's so much i had wanted to share, but there was so much that had to be left unshared because the time isn't right. i promise it'll come though.

and lastly for the record. you are what you claimed yourself to be, despite my denial. it's another one of those four lettered words but not filthy though. satisfied?

taking a tissue from her bag, she wiped her tears, cleared her nose and looked up, unsure of how to react. She drew a breathe and tried to smile. the hint of doubt lingered on her face as she put effort into it. whether or not thats the right thing to do, it doesn't matter. she knows what she needs to do. but ultimately, it's up to her, "to be or not to be"

x

Labels: stitching those stitches that are needed

One Shot, One Kill

Patience, Peseverance, Precision

i'd like to be like that.

But

Labels: intersecting lines of the killer's gaze

You tinkered with my strings of sanity and left me here, worried and boggled. Yes u do have every right to do so, but it's not a pleasant thing knowing that im inevitably sending u to the jaws of the abyss. It could be a road of no return, but well, just wanna left u know that u aint alone. There'll always be hands for u to hold on to, it's just whether u feel them cuz i'm damn sure u aint seeing anything in that semi-abyss of yours.

Sometimes people just shouldn't pronounce the death sentence so easily on anything. Cuz things are deeper than they'll ever seem to the human eye. I'm sorry for making u a sacrificial lamb. It was what i deemed best then, for i was guilt driven and it seemed like the only path to salvation.

Maybe i'm too full of myself. Maybe. But well, to all that was embroiled, i am sorry.

Labels: tinkering with strings of sanity that were never to be