all i need is a simple lift

One week in 2010 and it has already been a long week. Anything and everything that could go wrong went wrong. A week dedicated to rest and recreation turned out horrendous.

Ever felt like you had this great plan in place and you were going to make it happen and life feels like it is going on with purpose; all within expectation? Then unexpected events happen to foil everything. Well, this happened and you wonder why things happen like that and why must it fall to you to make sacrifices to save the skins of others. You feel angered and frustrated that people can be so socially irresponsible and shirk from their duties. Then you realize that you're probably the only with enough ability to do it and you do it because people counted on it. Painful. Takes a lot out of you. Would you understand?

On another note, you know you have undergone loss when you find yourself crying inexplicably. You find yourself clawing at whatever bits and fragments of attention and care showered upon you, like a baby trying to grab hold of the world with its small small hands. You know it is loss when everything around you, regardless of where you go triggers memory after memory. It doesn't help that these memories are more often than not the sweet savoury ones that you'd like to immortalize. In remembering the good old times, you think of the current reality and pain sets it. Loss is being and feeling helpless. You can't help but remember things when you're in the bathroom and you see song lyrics plastered on the wall. You can't help but remember when every single song that you have in your favourite playlist reminds you of certain things about the person that you just lost. The mind is a very powerful weapon of self manipulation and mutilation. It leads your heart into forbidden territories which does more harm than good. It can shatter the very foundations of your very being. Have you ever felt like that?

But in times of lost, the strength and depth of relationships and friendships are tested. I was fortunate to have friends and family. One sacrificed sleep to make sure I was okay before he left for a workshop and pit his will and faith against his fatigue. Another two made there way over to keep me company just because I did not want to be alone, not today. The person who touched me the most was my sister. When she called me, I just broke down, all defenses and facades. She was fiercely loyal and protective of me. It felt good to know my elder sister has a side like that. In times of loss, this makes one feel comforted and loved. Do you know what it feels like to be so vulnerable and to fall back on so many things?

It has just been one week and I feel like I've been tested so much. Faith and Will, would you take me there? To the distant place I've never been before?

all i need is a simple lift